Stength in Numbers
by Tricia-chan
Summary: Hisoka POV. Hisoka reflects on his life before he died and after. WARNING: Major Angst!!


I don't own the characters from Yami no Matsuei, nor do I own Yami no Matsuei. Don't sue me, I'm flat broke. This is a Hisoka POV 'fic, so I hope you enjoy it!!  
  
Strength in Numbers  
  
The winds outside blew calmly, blowing the cherry blossom petals around. They were beautiful to look at for the average Shinigami in Meifu.  
Me? I didn't like cherry blossoms. It was too much of a reminder of the life I lived when I was alive. Yes, I'm dead. I died when I was sixteen, murdered by a man I loathe more than anything: Muraki.  
Then again, my death didn't bring any tears. No one cared for me, or loved me for that matter. But now, even though I'm dead, I've found a place where I feel I belong. With people who truly care about me.   
I get up from my seat now and I go over to the window. I ignore the cherry blossoms and I look at the night sky. It was nights like this that I felt true torture. Torture from the very people who use to call me family. Yes, nights like this...  
  
::flashback::  
  
The blow came rough, but it always did. I was ready for it as his fist cam down and hit me. I didn't understand. I didn't do anything wrong. Why were they hitting me?  
"You akuma!!!"  
I winced as I heard it. It was painful to hear those words come from Kaa-san. Tou-san wasted no time in dragging me across the room to that door. I struggled, trying to break free. I hated that room. It was small, and empty.  
But, I couldn't fight Tou-san off. The door swung open and I was shoved inside. It slammed shut behind me and I heard them bolt it shut. The first time they put me in here, I wailed and banged on the door. Now, I just limped over to the corner and curled up into a ball. I tried to block it out, but failed.  
"You're not my child!!!!"  
"You're a demon!!!!"  
"Akuma!!!!! Akuma!!!!!"  
I covered my ears, feeling the hatred in their voices. I couldn't help what I was!! I couldn't help that I was a demon!!!  
They threw me in there at 7:30 p.m. When they finally opened the door to let me out, it was 2:00 p.m. in the afternoon the next day. Neither looked apologetic, and even told me it was my entire fault.  
It hurt inside. I was only eight years old, and they treated me so terribly!! All because I wanted to comfort Kaa-san...  
The day before, she had been upset about something, and it didn't show. When I tried to comfort her, I saw her thoughts. I felt her sorrow turn to freight and rage at me. She started hitting me, and when Tou-san came home, he hit me, too.   
I wanted to be accepted, but how could I when my own parents did this to me? I never showed tears in front of them, but when I was alone, I sobbed bitterly. No one cared about me. No one loved me.  
It was then I decided. Being close to people only got me hurt. So from then on, I was gonna close myself off. I wouldn't be hurt like this anymore.  
  
::end flashback::  
  
Now that I look back on that, I realize that that wasn't the best decision. Then again, I was desperate, and I needed to stop the pain. Needless to say, Tou-san and Kaa-san stopped beating me, but put me in that airless room frequently.   
To be more frank, until I died, I never felt love. It was always fear, hate, and anger. But thanks to those around me, I finally feel love. But it took a lot out of me to get here. I wasn't kidding when I said I hated Muraki. I hate enough to want to kill him. After what he did to me, I can never forgive him, and I want him dead.  
  
::flashback::  
  
I shivered as I walked on the smooth grass. I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go for a walk. It was chilly though, but the cherry blossoms were in bloom. As I walk, I spot a lone cherry blossom tree on the hill. I look above that and I see a full moon, tinted with red. And it was strange...there seemed to be a ring the same shade as the moon, around the moon.  
That was when I heard what sounded like a shuffle. I looked and I saw two figures. One was a man with silver hair dressed in head to toe in white. And he had a woman in his arms. One of his hands had a knife in it and he drove the knife into the woman's chest.  
I felt my eyes widen in shock. I've never seen anyone get murdered right in front of my eyes before. It was like someone threw a cement block into my stomach.  
Then the man turned around to me. His face was screwed up in a strange expression, but his eyes looked like they were laughing. His eyes...his right one shined brighter than the other, and was wider.  
I knew this was bad. I just saw him kill somebody. And I just saw his face. I knew I was next. I turned and started running, though it was hard in sandals. I've always had the feeling of committing suicide, but right then I wanted to get away.  
I wasn't fast enough.  
He had me in a heartbeat. I opened my mouth to scream, but a cloth was pressed over it. I almost immediately past out.  
When I woke up, the real hell started. I didn't know where I was, but I knew that the present situation wasn't good. I was lying on a bed, and I was naked. Not to mention my hands were tied very tightly to the headboard of the bed. I never felt so scared in my whole life.  
"Ohayo, boy," said a voice. Though the room was dim, I saw the man with silver hair. His face didn't look scornful, but very amused.   
"Let me go," I said, feeling the fear in my voice.  
He laughed at me, as if I made a funny joke. "Well, I can't let you go. Rather, I don't want to. You see, you saw a side of me no one's allowed to see. You saw my face as a murderer. And besides, I just can't kill you right away." He stalked over to me and ran a finger down my chest, grinning scornfully. "You're just too pretty to kill so soon."  
Through his touch I was able to sense his emotions. He had such a dark spirit, darker than I've ever seen. And I knew what he had planned for me. I could tell as started removing his clothes. I silently prayed that someone would find me before he follows through with his intentions.  
My prayer wasn't answered as I went through the most agonizing hours of my life. I screamed in pain, and he was obviously enjoying my screams. I thought I was gonna die from the pain as he raped me over and over again. I wished for death.  
When he was done, he wanted me to suffer more. So he cursed me. Curse marks appeared all over me; on my lower left arm, my upper right arm, my chest, my back, all over. The agony was too much. And I swore revenge.  
  
::end flashback::  
  
Revenge. Yes, Muraki deserved to suffer for what he did. Not just for what he did to me, but for what he did to Tsuzuki.  
After all that, he put a spell on me. It blocked my memory, so I wouldn't know who killed me. Of course, the curse marks vanished because I couldn't remember, but the curse remained. I spent three years in the hospital, dying from that curse. The most painful thing was that Tou-san and Kaa-san never came to see me. I was dying, and I thought they could at least ease their emotions and visit. A visit, a simple walk-in, ANYTHING!!!!! But they didn't. When I died, I died alone.  
  
::flashback::  
  
The pain was getting worse. It was getting harder and harder to breathe.  
I turn my head to look out the window. Snow was falling outside in sheets. Even though snow was cold, I wanted to touch it. I wanted to be out of this sterile room, to be outside. I didn't want to be here, dying away with no one caring.  
Then again, I guess that's a comfort for dying. No one will mourn me when I leave. Not Tou-san or Kaa-san. After they put me in here, they never came back. I've been by myself for three years, with no one to comfort me.  
I didn't need their comfort, though. I'm strong, and I can deal with this. But even as I think this, I can feel my breaths become very shallow. The doctors knew I was dying, but their expressions were neutral. No one really did care. I'm by myself.   
Suddenly, one of the nurses cried, "Sensei!!! His heartbeat's fading!!!"  
I closed my eyes. I thought dying would be scary, but it's rather peaceful. I feel so tired.  
The only regret I had was that I didn't know who did this to me. I can only hope I can find out some other way.  
  
::end flashback::  
  
I became a Shinigami to find out who killed me. When I found out it was Muraki, I knew he had to go down. He's made so many suffer.  
Tsuzuki suffered greatly thanks to that bastard. Muraki drove him to the point of insanity, but I helped him ease out of it. He wanted to kill himself; he blamed himself for all those that were killed by Muraki.  
At first, Tsuzuki annoyed me. Then I realized we were so much alike, even though our attitudes were entirely different. He was genki, I was...a deadpan. But it's because of him that I was able to be a more caring person. I owe him a lot.  
Now, as I stand here, I hear loud knocking at my door. When I opened it, I found myself staring into genki violet eyes.  
"Soka-chan!!!" squealed Tsuzuki. "C'mon, let's go!!"  
I narrowed my eyes. "Where?"  
"It's the Cherry Blossom Festival!!! Let's have some fun!!!"  
I bit back a smile. I hated cherry blossoms, but I could hardly refuse an offer from Tsuzuki. But I stubbornly said, "No."  
Tsuzuki grabbed my hand, anyway. "Yes!! You're coming!!"  
"Let me go, baka!!" I yelled, but he had a strong grip on my hand.  
Even though I complained through the festival the Shinigami held, I really had a good time. I WAS with better people. People who were nice, people who cared, people who loved me. Not even Muraki could destroy my happiness. The happiness that's been bottled up inside that Tsuzuki released. I'm grateful to him for making me so happy. And I know it'll never fade as long as I'm with him.  
  
  
Okay, I know Hisoka was a bit OOC, but I portrayed him as best as I could. I'm a big TuzukixHisoka fan, but not a big Muraki fan. I hope everyone enjoyed this, and I promise that future YnM 'fics of mine will have less angst. Thanks for reading!! ^_^ 


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